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Real life

Sarah Jane thought sex, alcohol and drugs would fill the void in her life. Then she discovered celibacy.

I lost my virginity when I was 13 to someone I barely knew. I grew up a Christian but the importance of celibacy was never stressed to me. My parents had divorced earlier that year and I was struggling. I started using hardcore drugs and drinking heavily. I had a lot of boyfriends and casual sex as a teen. It wasn't gratifying, rather it was quite draining. I was trying to fill a void in my heart, my need to feel 'loved' and needed. I don't necessarily regret the choices I've made, but I've had to deal with some severe consequences for them. I'm 20 years old now and my last relationship ended badly. We were a sexually active couple, and things weren't working out. I'd always been something of a heartbreaker, and I think it was just because I got bored easily. When the lust died down I was ready to move on. My boyfriend of the time had got really drunk and came over to where I was staying in the middle of the night, I was staying place to place because I had quit my job and my mom and I were having problems, she didn't agree with the kind of life I was living. Anyways,he tried to start an argument with me, and when I told him to leave, well he lashed out. He beat me up. Badly. It was the day before Valentine's Day and it proved to be a holiday I'd never forget.  He went to jail that night. My lip was badly split open, and I had 2 huge welts on the back of my head and couldn't turn my neck for a long two weeks. That night, after talking to the Police (my first time ever cooperating with them) when I was laying in bed I realized I was helpless. That I couldn't do this on my own. I had turned my back on God a long time ago.

That night I dropped to my knees, sobbing and prayed for the first time in years. I was lost, I wanted to come home. I chose that night to become celibate, to quit using drugs and drinking, and to go back to God and church. I called my mom the next day and told her my plan to start a new life. She let me move in until I can get back on feet and our relationship is better than ever. Its only been a couple months, maybe not even that, but I feel better than I ever have. I love my life now, whereas before I was miserable. I even got a new job! Instead of feeling sorry for myself because of what happened to me, I choose to view it as a blessing, because had this not happened I would still be lost and without God. Truthfully I don't even miss sex, now I see how much more there is to life. At first I thought I would only be celibate for a year, now I'm sure I want to wait until I get married to have sex again. To a lot of my old friends it seems like an unrealistic decision, but it's really supposed to be this way.

I'm glad for my new life. I hope my story can inspire others that have been through similar things to see that it's not impossible to give up sex. If you ever think you are too far away from God, or from being pure, take it from me..you aren't. God loves you no matter what you have done, and will g!ive you the strength to resist temptation of lust, you just have to ask Him for it.  I spent all that time trying to fill the void in my heart with drugs, sex and alcohol, but the hole in my heart wasn't shaped for all of those things of the world. It was shaped for God. I finally am done trying to fill that void with men when that place was made for Him all along. So until marriage, I rock chastity and find it to be very stylish. Totally the hottest trend! I tell everyone I'm celibate. Maybe you would like to do the same?

Sarah with her beloved dog, Zoey

Uploaded in May, 2009

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