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He doesn't want sex

Advice by Sue Frost

I'm 32 and I've been married six years. My husband always had a low sex drive, but lately our lovemaking has become very infrequent. We both have good jobs, we own our home, and have a great life. I love him dearly, but sex is important to me and I feel Rejected. I've lost weight and I dress up to look good, but nothing works. My husband exercises, eats well, knows how to relax, has seen his doctor and has been told there's nothing physically wrong. I crave physical closeness, so much so that I had a one night stand recently and I don't regret it. So now what? I'm too young to give up on sex.

Dressing up and looking good are beside the point. Your husband may love and admire you, may enjoy his life with you, may even hope to make you happy, but still not want sex as often as you. It's just the difference between folk. Some have an appetite for sex, some can take it or leave it, and some can quite happily live without it. All these people are normal, but when sexual desires fail to match up, a couple has only one choice. Compromise, or quit.

Why doesn't he care that I feel rejected by him?
Maybe he feels pressured, and a bit rejected himself, as though you only want him for sex. After all, you say you love him dearly, and you have a great life. Maybe he figures this is a good start. And if you could stop seeing sex as the test of his love, maybe it would be. Perhaps you could accept kissing and cuddling without sex, and he may come to see that since sex matters to you, it would be the loving thing to make love more often. That's when some sex play might be useful. Check out Relate's website for sex manuals you can order online.

What if it's still not enough?
"You can keep having casual affairs, keep trying to lure your husband into sex, or decide that your marriage doesn't satisfy your deepest needs and move on. The only other choice is to accept that, sometimes, life is less than perfect. Start talking to your husband about the kind of future you each want and the marriage that would satisfy you both.