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Incel (involuntarily celibate)

Incel = involuntarily celibate. Unintentional and/or unwilling celibacy.

Involuntary celibacy refers to the inability, for whatever reason, to establish an intimate relationship or engage in sexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy or sexual abstinence. There are many causes, including extreme shyness, the recent loss of a loved one, Asperger’s Syndrome and/or poor social skills. In addition, one may be incel due to being in a relationship with an asexual or someone with a low sex drive. In many cases, an incel’s initial frustration and unhappiness can be perpetuated by the sexual focus of our society. Many incels have found it a great relief to find out that not everyone is having or even desires sex. Others have found solace right here on this site, which encourages all to break free from the chains of sexual expectation and find joy, pleasure and peace in other areas of life. The ‘involuntary’ part of one describing themselves as incel is often actually a conditioned thought brought about by society and media constantly reinforcing the idea that we should all want and desire sex, and that anything other than this is considered abnormal. This is especially true of males in particular, who are often led from a very young age into a world in which images of sex pervade so much of their working and social life.

Many incels have found real encouragement in meeting others in similar situations to themselves, and often find that in time they become quite comfortable and settled to the point where they enjoy the liberation that a sexually abstinent lifestyle brings. Others who are dating or married to those who do not want sex, have found that after living a sexually abstinent life for some time, they actually begin to enjoy their new lifestyle just as much as their spouse. All of us have areas in our lives that we wish could be better, but not all of us are wise enough to see that those things we crave might not be the source of happiness and fulfillment we had hoped for after all. The enlightenment an incel receives through the realisation that sex isn’t necessary or a requirement for happiness is often profound.

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